countdown to nyc: 16 days to go

and so finally we get to announce to the world that we are part of the xXx team. that really dragged on. waiting. didnt care for the contract, but contracts stress me out. because they always say the same thing when you are the little guy. they say “we have all the rights, you have none, please make great stuff for us so we can profit off of it.” when i read about them having residual rights and copyright forever of all things i make in line of duty—even if i get fired or quit a week in—i was like “to hell with this” and then i thought “…so…you dont do the gig that offers you a step somewhere else, to a place maybe where you can BE recognized and do your work, perhaps because you want to keep your songs etc to yourself? in your room? do it! the worst that could happen is they love your stuff and want to use it! that’s good for you.”but i dont trust situations like this. eh. i guess i dont trust much. much except my own will and want. that i believe in.i write this here because i need to write it. maybe i’ll write it “there” too. but i dont feel any moral need to expose all my inner thoughts or musings or feelings on this. this is a personal experiment, and a personal plan. its not all about me, but i do my learning when i want and often in a private space. and then i give the world the results. plus i’m sick of pulling my speech for people. hate that about blogging. always must tend the fragile feelings and egos of readers.  can’t say what i know because it may wrinkle them. or some wont like the tone. or some will be offended by the message and jeeeeheeez. sick of explaining everything. and it gets tiring pretending i’m likable.i’m thinking of the equipment as theirs. i’ll use it, i’ll train on it. but i have my own. and i’m so glad. this lets me keep my integrity. because we have to give it all back if we quit the gig early. having my own (better) equipment means they have no real hold on me.  clearly i’m worried about getting compromised. but then again, i’ve never worked for xXx before.